Why Talking Isn’t Enough (And When It Is)

Talking is where most people start.

You talk to friends.

You talk to yourself.

You come to therapy, and you talk.

So when something isn’t changing, it’s natural to assume the answer is more talking. Say it again. Say it better. Say it with more feeling.

Sometimes that works.

Often, it doesn’t.

Not because talking is useless, but because talking serves different purposes, and those purposes can get blurred.

Talking Can Release - Or It Can Clarify

Talking does at least two jobs.

One is release.

The other is clarification.

Release lowers intensity. It lets emotion move. After a good vent, you often feel lighter, steadier, and less alone.

Clarification is quieter. It slows things down. It examines assumptions. It separates feeling from fact. It changes how something is understood.

Both are valuable.

They just aren’t the same.

If talking alone relieves pressure, you may feel better without changing your movement. If talking clarifies, something structural can shift, even if it feels less dramatic.

When Talking Leads to Change

Talking becomes transformative when it helps you:

• See what you’re actually reacting to

• Recognise a pattern you hadn’t noticed

• Distinguish past from present

• Question an assumption that felt obvious

In those moments, conversation becomes orientation.

You’re not circling the issue. You’re seeing it.

This kind of talking often feels calmer than expected. Sometimes even understated. But it shows up later, in a decision made sooner, a reaction softened, a boundary held more cleanly.

That’s the difference.

When Talking Becomes a Loop

There are times when conversation repeats without deepening.

The same story.

The same spike.

The same conclusion.

Relief may still happen. But nothing reorganises.

This is usually a sign that something hasn’t become clear yet, not that you’re failing, and not that talking is pointless.

It simply means the work hasn’t shifted from expression into examination.

And that shift is where change lives.

The Role of Interruption

Change often requires interruption.

Not confrontation.

Not force.

Just a pause in the familiar narrative.

A question that slows you down.

A reflection that reframes something you assumed.

A moment where emotion settles before meaning is assigned.

Those moments can feel bracing, but they are steadying.

They turn conversation into thinking.

Without interruption, talking follows grooves it already knows.

What Makes a Session Work

A useful session doesn’t always feel intense.

It often feels clarifying.

You leave with:

• fewer words, not more

• less urgency, not more

• a clearer sense of where you stand

If you feel soothed but unchanged, something stabilised.

If you feel clearer and steadier, something shifted.

Both have their place. Only one moves patterns.

Talking Is the Medium - Not the Outcome

Talking is how the work happens. It isn’t the work itself.

The aim isn’t endless expression.

Understanding changes how you respond when it matters.

Sometimes that requires more words.

Sometimes it requires fewer.

The question isn’t how much you’ve talked.

It’s whether you’re seeing something new.

When you are, the conversation naturally moves forward.

And so do you.